Bikram Yoga...HELL!

OK...so Shakara decides that she wants us to take a yoga class. She heard from a friend of her sister that this "hot" yoga was great; in fact, she and everybody that she knew that has gone to this class has dropped an extreme amount of weight since attending. So you know me...being the health-nut that I am (enter sarcastic smirk right here) I decide to go. We have already been warned, "you're hair will be a mess!", "you'll want to leave...but it's good", "it's hot...not too bad, but it's hot", so we don't get our hair done that week and we head out on a beautiful Sunday afternoon to the yoga studio.

The first clue that things were about to get bad...the 22 flights of steps you had to walk up to get it. I mean come the hell on! I guess that was the warm up!

Next, the waiting/registration area, better known as Purgatory. The only thing in that joint was water...I mean everywhere...water jugs, water bottles, Vitamin water...they know what the hell is going on. Water bottles just spilling all up out the garbage...and they was charging like 48.95 for a 16 ounce bottle. I came with a little water, and was like this will suffice until I get home...NOT!

Next clue...19 more flights of stairs...where the hell is this place? I passed 4 people on the way up and I could've sworn they mouthed the words "don't go!" to me...oh well.

We change, and rush to the class, because as usual the Get 'Em Girls are on CP time. We get the to class...open the door and for the love of God a wave of heat hit me so hard I thought I was an extra in Backdraft! I mean people were sitting there just smiling like they had resolved that they'd lived the best and sinful life they could and they were more than happy to wade in the fiery pits of hell!

The instructor, who I will call "Lucephina", was just as chipper and bright as she wanted to be. She knew everyone's name and quickly asked Joan and I our names and instructed us to take a seat, before we had a chance to bolt. Shakara came in a couple of minutes after us...I tried to get her attention before she walked in but it was too late.

So now we've been in here two minutes and my water is halfway done. I'm trying to take small sips, but... Lucephina goes into the origin of Bikram yoga and which part of Hades it originated from.

5 minutes later...she goes into the standing poses. She starts with the half moon...I'm getting light headed!

5 more minutes later...she goes into a back bend. "Jesus be a fence around me..."

5 more minutes later...she goes into this eagle pose. I look at Joan, Joan looks at the thermometer (it reads 100 plus degrees), Joan looks back at me...and I pick up my towel and my now boiling water and tell Lucephina that we are leaving! LOL

She convinced us to just hang out and watch...it won't be so bad! The devil is a liar and the yoga instructor of liars because I passed out two times before that class ended...and I wasn't even working out anymore!

Needless to say, you won't catch 2/3 of The Get 'Em Girls at any more hot yoga sessions...you can find us at weekly prayer, revival, baptisms, and handing out bible tracts on the A, C, and D lines.

Shakara...good luck with that my sista!